I assumed after the big day, the love would just “be there”. I was wrong, but no one bothered to tell me the truth about marriage.
I dreamed about the white dress, the veil, the decorations, and the groom for many years. I believe all little girls dream about their wedding day. However, they don’t necessarily dream about the MARRIAGE. At least I didn’t.
I assumed after the big day, life would go on. He would still “woo” me, the attraction would stay strong, and the love would just “be there”. I was wrong, but no one bothered to tell me the truth about marriage. And there were a few things I have had to learn while on this journey.
Marriage is Work
Years ago, Ben Affleck stood up on the Oscar stage and stated the fact that marriage is work. He was then put through the wringer for it. However, his words were truth, and his wife (at the time) confirmed that she agreed with what he said.
Many walk into marriage with the same idealistic attitude that I had. We don’t realize that those marriages that last, they WORK at their relationship. They CHOOSE to stay together in good times and bad. One truth about marriage is that it is work. BUT, it is worth the labor!
Kids Change Things
The day we became mom and dad, our worlds changed. We had NO clue what we were getting into, and many of the things we thought we agreed on, turned out… we didn’t!
Kids change things, and once you have them, you have to choose to be okay with that. Date nights become rare, and trips to movies turn into kid’s flicks instead of the action films.
But on the other side, seeing my husband hold our baby girls, watching my new born son cling to the finger of his father, and knowing that WE created these beautiful beings. It is worth the changes that our marriage has had to deal with.
Disagreements are Normal
I remember our very first fight as husband and wife. I thought he was going to walk out and never come back. We hadn’t been married long, and I thought we had made a HUGE mistake. Turns out, disagreements are normal!
When I married my husband I thought I knew everything about him. I didn’t. I had NO clue who he was. Twelve years later I am still learning things about my husband. It turns out that some of those things I am learning about him may get on my nerves.
Some of those things I already know about him, get on my nerves. The key to these things is fighting fair. Acknowledge that you are going to disagree, but know that no matter how many times you do, you are still a team. Fight for the same goal, and those disagreements will happen less often.
As I have watched friends get married, I have noticed that many didn’t know these same three things. I remember the first time a friend and her husband got into a fight she called me. Crying. Asking me if this was normal? I laughed and said, of course! To which she sighed a huge sigh of relief.
I believe as a society we are failing, greatly in the mentoring of young wives. I would have loved to have someone take me under their wing as a newly Christian wife, and encourage me as I realized the truth about marriage. Marriages today are under attack as many couples hit a rough patch and instead of acknowledging the fact that marriage is work, they run, they get out, and they don’t stick around to see the beauty on the other side.
The truth about marriage is that it is hard. My friend Davonne says that it is so hard, you may need a helmet . This IS true, but it is also SO worth it. I encourage you, when you realize the truth about marriage, to stick it out. Work on it. Pray for your spouse. Talk with a friend. And don’t give up. Because believe me, when you are on the other side, it is beautiful, and worth every minute of it!
How long have you been married? What advice do you wish you would have received as a newlywed?