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I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was newly married, and sitting in the doctor’s office. I was told that I had cyst-covered ovaries, and if something was not done now, I may never have children. I was given a prescription and sent home, I was shocked. I called my husband and he said what I was thinking. “We aren’t ready to have kids, you’re still in school, and we don’t have a house.” Our parents said the same thing, but I kept going back to the fact that maybe we should just try and see what happens. If we waited, it may never happen, so why not just leave it up to God?
Nine months later, we became pregnant with our first child. I have never had another cyst since. Pregnancy seemed to clear it up, naturally, and I have gone on to have two more children. Would this have happened if I waited until the perfect time to have a child? I don’t know. But, what I do know is I don’t regret making the decision to not wait. We were young parents, we have struggled, we had NO clue what we were doing, but being a young mom has also been awesome, and I would never discourage another mom from making the same choice.
But, there are more reasons why I am glad I didn’t wait to have kids.
I never really became invested in my career.
After taking a year off to stay home with my oldest, I started my dream job at a preschool. I realized soon after starting that the dream job was nothing compared to spending time with my baby. This is why when I became pregnant with my middle a short while later, I had no second thoughts about going back the next school year. I was happy being at home. We never really became dependent on a second full-time income, and I never really was attached to a career that I loved. This made it easy to walk away from it. Motherhood is my career, and really the only thing I feel that I am somewhat “good” at. And, I am totally okay with that!
Me and we time has always been non-existent.
This is a pro and con. My husband and I rarely get date nights and are used to always having littles around. We became accustomed to late night movies, and ice cream after the kids go to bed as our “we” time. We never had the luxury of traveling without children or having hobbies that didn’t include kids. To some, this may be negative, but to us, I think it has been a benefit. Our time and energy have always been vested in being a family. I believe that building up our family has become a high priority and that time is not wasted.
Having kids young, made us closer to each other, and the Lord.
Shortly after my oldest was born, we hit a rough patch in our marriage. We both believe the rough patch would have happened with or without a baby. Also, we have both admitted that if it hadn’t have been for her, we probably would have thrown in the towel. However, we fought, for our marriage and for our family. We began searching for guidance, and that led us to the Lord. God healed our marriage, and we are now stronger than ever. I couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if we wouldn’t have fought for us. If we wouldn’t have felt that we had a reason, a person, a family, to fight for. (Disclaimer: Having children will NOT fix a marriage, I am simply stating that for us when we did hit a rough patch (after having children) it gave us a reason to fight for our family.)
Perfect time to start a family?
If you are newly married or considering having children, I encourage you to pray about it and think about the blessings being a young parent offers. Yes, there are benefits to waiting also, and sometimes you don’t have that choice if you meet your mate later in life. But, sometimes, society tells us we have to wait until the perfect time, till we have all our ducks in a row, and until we have had time for ourselves.
God tells us that children are a gift from the Lord and that the fruit of the womb is a reward, Psalms 127:3.
There is no perfect time to start a family, there is no perfect marriage, no perfect job, or no perfect moment that will tell you “NOW” is the time. You have to trust the Lord, your spouse and do what you feel is best for your new family. For some that may be to wait, but for others (like us!) it may be to go ahead and start a family.