The judgment was clear, or at least I assumed it was. I was the outsider. The one who had chosen a different route. Did I ask them if this was the case? No. I knew it. I assumed it, and because that assumption had been made, I was clearly in a place where I was NOT welcome.
Have you ever been in this situation? If not you are lucky! Have you ever PUT anyone else in this situation? I almost guarantee you have, whether you meant to or not.
- You ASSUME she is judging you because her kids are in public school and you are “just a homeschool mom”
- She assumes that modesty post you shared on Facebook was because she wore a tank top to church Sunday.
- You ASSUME the organic mom at the park is looking down on you while you feed your kid cheese puffs.
- She assumes you’re judging her while she feeds her baby out of a bottle, and you are the queen of nursing.
- You assume her beliefs are way different than yours after all your churches have different names on their signs.
- You assume she thinks she is better at homeschooling because she sticks to a routine.
- She assumes you’re judging her because she has to work while homeschooling.
- You assume you have nothing at all in common because your homeschool methods are SO different.
Every one of these assumptions hurt someone. And everyone builds a wall up between women that may not need to be there.
When you’re forming your opinions, Do it carefully – go slow; Hasty judgments oft are followed by regretting – that I know. — Anonymous
I wonder how many times we let our assumptions get in the way of a relationship? How many times do we blame others and assume the worst, just because of OUR convictions?
- That public school mom? She is doing what SHE feels is best for HER kids. Yes, she is passionate, but deep down you both believe your children are getting the education they need.
- That mom who shared that modesty post? She was dealing with HER convictions, and chances are she never thought twice about YOUR tank top.
- The mom who is feeding her kid those organic bananas? She could care less what you feed your kid, she is following HER convictions.
- The breastfeeding mom at the park? She is looking at your adorable baby, NOT the bottle in her mouth. Don’t let your fear of judgment trump the bond you both have as new moms.
- The sign on the front of your church door doesn’t matter as much as WHO is in your heart. Denominations are different, but when two people can agree that they both love the Lord, does denomination differences really matter? Last time I checked there was going to be more than just one denomination in heaven so we might as well get along and love each other down here!
- That homeschool mom whose methods are different than yours just MAY be your homeschool BFF! You just can’t get past the assumptions to see it.
- The homeschool mom you think is judging you for working is actually wondering HOW you do it! She’d love to learn, but is afraid to ask….
There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, Ephesians 4:4-5
I believe that as a society we have gotten so deep into the mommy wars, that we assume others are judging us. We assume others think less of us, and we assume others are talking about us. I also think that we believe the lie that just because we are different we cannot get along.
But, is this the truth? NO!
Some of my BEST homeschool mom friends have education philosophies WAY different than my own. Out of my local homeschool mom friends, I am one of a handful that works from home. Most breastfed, while I bottle fed my own, and they all laugh at my Diet Pepsi addiction while drinking their water. Each of our churches has a different name on the front, and guess what? We are still friends! And had we left the unsaid assumptions to stand in our way, our homeschool group would have never even been started.
So, from now on, let’s STOP the assumptions. The next time you assume that the mom next to you is judging you, remember THAT is an assumption. Assumptions hurt, assumptions build walls, and homeschool moms don’t need walls. We need love. We need understanding. We need women who have strong relationships, and who build each other up. Not tear each other down. We need encouragement and a community.
Let’s begin building that community today!
- 3 Assumptions Homeschool Moms Make
- Homeschool Moms NEED Homeschool Friends
- Where to Find Friends as a Homeschool Mom