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Earlier this week it was shared that John Luke Robertson is engaged. Now, I don’t watch Duck Dynasty (no cable), but I have heard of him. I was surprised to see backlash over him marrying so young. The backlash is similar to that I have seen and read about the Duggar girls, who are also marrying young.
I was only 20 when I got married, my hubby was 22. I thought we were young, but after sharing a question on my Facebook page found that I had quite a few followers who were married when they were younger then we were. And guess what? Out of all those responses, as far as I know, all were still married! This is surprising considering the divorce rate in our country stands at 50%.
I have been married for over 12 years now, and wouldn’t change a thing. When we decided to get married I heard things like, “You should finish school first”, “Live together for a few years to make sure it will work out”, “What’s the rush? You’re still young”. I got very little encouragement. However, none of those comments changed the fact that we wanted to get married. Was it easy? No, but there are truths that I learned about marrying young, and all of them I believe play a role in why marrying young is NOT a bad thing.
Money Will Be Tight
I assumed since my hubby and I both had our own apartments before getting married, combining two incomes would be a breeze, and there would be tons of money left over. I was wrong. Very wrong. You see, I talked him into renting us a house. In a real neighborhood. With utilities. Very different from the rent controlled apartments we came from where all utilities were paid. We learned very early on that we could NOT afford that house. This realization became clear when we were eating canned biscuits for dinner one night a few months after we were married. We had no other food in the house, and payday was the next morning.
You know what this taught us though? To budget. To lean on each other. To trust God to provide, and to talk about finances. Now, we laugh about that experience. We have told our kids about it, and have driven them by our first home. When you marry young, you really have no clue how to budget, merge money, or what you are getting into. However, you learn, slowly.
You Are Dependent on Someone Else
The biggest reason I am glad I married young, is that I never really became independent. From the time I got married, I became dependent on my husband. He helped me pay the bills, took out the garbage, changed my oil, and fixed our home. I never had to learn how to do any of these things. The same goes for him. I cook, clean, manage our home, balance the checkbook, and ensure that we have food in the house (including canned biscuits). We have become a well-oiled machine of dependency. I depend on him, he depends on me. We work as a team. That is really how marriage is supposed to be. Not separate bank accounts, or two people living separate lives under the same roof. I joke with him all the time, that if I could do everything on my own, I wouldn’t have a reason to be married. I rely on him. However, in today’s society that is rare.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.~Genesis 2:24 –
You Will Have to Grow Up!
Bills, babies, homes, cars, and groceries all become a way of life. Gone are the days where you can get up and go do what you want to do. Responsibilities happen, and when you marry young, they come a lot faster than others do. I read somewhere that marrying young forces you to grow up together. I believe that! How many of you know an adult still living at home? On their parents couch? Yep, me too! Marrying young, that rarely happens because you are forced to grow up. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
Had I known these truths when I got married, I still would have done it. I wouldn’t trade one day with my husband. Was marrying young easy? No, but too often, people try to shelter their kids from these struggles. They don’t want them to face hard times. So, they encourage their children to wait until they are older to marry. However, these things make marriages stronger. They force you to grow up, and to be dependent on someone else. They force you to appreciate the better times, because you made it through the lean times together. Yes, they can also make marriage tougher, but when you stick it out, your marriage will be so much sweeter.
How old were you when you got married and how many years has it been now?
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When I got married at 23, I had already been living on my own and had my own career. Having the experience of knowing what it was like to be a breadwinner and make ends meet definitely helped me manage money later on when we became a one-income family.
Thank you for sharing your story 🙂 God’s plans are always better!!
My husband and I met when we were 15, at summer camp. We married when we were 19, and no one wanted us to. They all wanted us to finish college and start careers. But their plans are not God’s plans! We are happy, and this year we’ll celebrate our 8th anniversary.
That’s awesome and inspiring!! Congratulations 🙂
I married my hubby when I was 20 & he was 22. I had a semester left in college and he had two. We got married, lived on $200 a month, with housing/utilities covered by his ROTC scholarship. I had lived frugally during college, so not having money wasn’t a big deal. This summer we will have been married 12 years and we have two beautiful girls.
Oh that’s so awesome! So glad God has blessed your marriage <3
My husband and I married almost 10 years ago, I was 19 he was 21 we both came from broken homes our parents his or mine had married so we both had the same goal we wanted to marry and raise a family together.we are going strong to this day. In July we will celebrate 10 years of marriage! Oh by the way we only knew each other 5 1/2 months before marrying that includes the period of time we were just dating ♡
I was just barely 21, he was 22. We just celebrated our 10th anniversary. My grandparents got married at 16 and 18, and just celebrated their 55th!!
That’s awesome! Thank you for sharing your story 🙂
I was 16 & my husband was within a month of turning 19. No I wasn’t pregnant as everyone assumed I was. We just realized we loved each other and wanted to spend our lives togather. My parents agreed to letting me get married. That was this march 36 years ago. Yeah we have had a lot of hard times, but more good times. We also have one fantastic daughter.
I was married at age 19. I wanted to be married, but was divorced 10 years later. I thought I knew everything, but knew very little. Marriage is definitely . a process and something that has to be worked on continually. I definitely learned a lot.
That’s awesome! Thanks for sharing 🙂
I was 20 (exactly 1 week away from my 21st birthday!) and my husband was 22. We’ve been married 13 years and we have no regrets. 🙂
Great post, Misty! We got married when I was 20…but he was 29! So I got married young to an older person, so I’ve had to really mature over the past six years. I agree wholeheartedly that money will be tight. It still is! But I’ve learned that some of the best memories came from times when we were just enjoying each other, no money involved. We’re still working on relying on each other. I guess that’s why it’s a marriage, though. Nothing is ever perfect from the start, and you learn to evolve through all the changes that life throws at you. Congrats on having found your true love at a young age!
I wish there were more Titus 2 mentors out there too. We weren’t Christians when we first got married, but once we got saved a friends mom took me under her wing for a few years. Sometimes, she drove me nuts! But, overall she really helped me get grounded in what it means to be a Christian wife and mother. I am so thankful for her now! Thanks for sharing your story and for stopping by 🙂
I was 19 when I got married and we have been married for 11 years. I wouldn’t change getting married young, but I would change some of the ways I handled it. I wish I would have found an older married Christian woman that would mentor me from the beginning. There have been lots of tough lessons, but I wouldn’t trade getting married when I did for anything. I have an amazing husband!
Thank you for sharing your story Stephanie! I know some people would hate to give up their independence after being on their own.
I just want to comment about #2– my husband and I were both fully independent for years before we got married this summer, but that has made depending on each other all the more wonderful!! I am so relieved that he does not mind taking out the trash on a regular basis (which I always forgot to do,) and he greatly appreciates that I always make sure the dishes are done and the bedroom is clean before bed. Since we were both used to doing all the chores ourselves before we were married, sharing the chores is great! And we don’t mind picking up after each other if one or other forgets, because we are completely able to do it all on our own– we just appreciate that it’s shared now. 🙂
I was 20 (too) when we got married. Among our immediate friends that was the ‘norm’ but when my husband joined the Army and we moved away we found we were NOT the norm and it was difficult for us…We waited 5 years before welcoming a baby into our family and 12 years later I now see such a different perspective on our decision to marry early! I hope and pray we can teach our children to wait for the right one and then marry (regardless of what age that is at).
Oh wow, thank you for sharing your story. I think your exactly right, you have to want to make it work (both parties) and be willing to change and grow up. Our society doesn’t “teach” that anymore. Instead it’s “all about me” .
Thanks for sharing your story! I can’t believe the divorce rate is even worse than I thought 🙁
I was 17 and my husband was 20. Both of us products of divorced families. Both carried baggage and anger issues into the relationship. I still had my whole senior year of highschool ahead of me, so I’m sure you can imagine the flack we received. Our first year was very rocky, it included a surprise pregnancy with our first child. Many times we have looked back and know, without a shadow of doubt, that if we weren’t following Christ we would’ve had no reason to want to make it work at some points. I always tell people- we truly GREW UP together. Like you wrote, it forced us to mature, and to draw closure to God instead of relying on our personal desires and expectations to satisfy us. It has been 9 years, a brief separation, and 5 kids later and I couldn’t imagine it better! That sounds cliché but I think once we realize that everyone has character flaws and physical imperfections, we also realize that we can either make it work and make it great or we can try again with someone else and come to the same place where we have to WORK at the relationship. It’s not always bliss but boy has it ever been well worth the journey and knowing our kiddos get to have both of their parents to raise them together! 😉
I married at 19. My husband was 24. We got married shotgun style…oopsy. We’ve been married for 21 years. I knew we’d be married the first time we spoke about the same way you know you’ve got a spleen. Chances are you’ve never seen your spleen but it’s just is, doing it’s spleen thing. My husband and I, just the way it is.
BTW, the divorce rate for first marriages is 41%.
Amen! I love that response 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
I’ve noticed that no matter your choices about marriage, people are going to have their opinions! I remember being in my mid 20’s lamenting the fact I hadn’t even had a serious boyfriend yet, and worrying that I wouldn’t ever find someone. People told me not to rush it. Now I’m inching toward my mid 30’s, still not married, and people are wondering what’s taking me so long. I think when two people are in love and want to try to make a life together, we should support that decision. Because committed relationship have enough struggles without people throwing their negativity at it!
We were married at 17 and 20. We will celebrate our 22nd anniversary in December. We wouldn’t trade our experience for the world. It is a challenge getting married young, but we learned to grow up together. It’s also a challenge getting married older as you tend to be more set in your ways and have learned idea/experiences from past relationships. The key, I think, it staying committed no matter what age you married at. Thanks for the post!
I totally agree that having Christ in the center of your relationship makes a huge deal. My husband and I have both said that without the Lord, we probably would’ve thrown in the towel. Luckily, the Lord saved us both 2 years into our marriage at a rocky point. I am so grateful for that. Thank you for stopping by and for hosting the Shine blog hop 🙂
That’s awesome! Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Of course not! It’s always different when it’s YOUR baby 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
That is great! Thank your for sharing 🙂
It sounds like you have a great husband and a great marriage! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!
I really feel if it’s right, and you’re willing to and can roll through the punches that life brings, a marriage at any age can be a success. It all depends on the couple and what they bring to it all and definitely communication. I married at age 28 (he was 30) after being with my husband since I was 24. Never in a million years did I think I would meet my husband that early just because my parents were in their 30s and 40s when they married. I always assumed I’d be working, and it would take me a while to find someone. You never know when you’re going to meet that special person. We’re still together in our 40s with 2 kids. We’ve had some challenges throughout the years, but it’s all been together that we’ve faced them which has helped immeasurably. And we laugh about everything.
I married when I was 27, and I’m still married after 17 years. We were best friends for 8 years before getting married!
Great post as usual. You’ve raised some wonderful, thoughtful points here too
I got married at the age of 22 and divorced at 29. My second marriage I was 32 and we’re still married and madly in love.
For me a few things affected my first marriage failing, one of them was age. I didn’t “love” myself and was addicted to the thought of someone loving me. However, I went into that marriage with a strong liking/friendship but no love. The other thing is I went through a crazy amount of change in my twenties; went to university and graduated, had major career changes. Plus, I wasn’t Christian then. Having Christ at the center of my life makes a huge difference!
I would never say to someone that they’re too young to get married. Even if it were my own child, I would be a neutral as possible and remind them of what a marriage means and encourage them to pray about it.
Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
So true! We got married at 21 and 22 and we’ve been married almost 21 years. But…our oldest is 18 and I can’t imagine her marrying so young! 🙂 #shinebloghop
I was 21, and we’ve been married 20 years.
Oh, me too! I think that if “done correctly” it should make you grow up 😉 Kind of like parenting…. some people just don’t oblige. And “stealing his youth” really? Geez! Lol! Thanks for stopping by!!
I was 24 and my husband was 20 so I got grief for “stealing his youth.” But we knew it was right. We had no doubts whatsoever. But I’m not sure getting married forces you to grow up. I see lots of married couples that have yet to do so. Haha! 😉
I feel the same way! THanks for sharing 🙂
Congratulations!!!
LOVE this post. My fiance and I are trying to figure out when we are getting married, and this is very helpful. I’m 22 and he just turned 23. We love each other and I think marrying young is wonderful 🙂
I was 17 years old, and we’ve been married 17 years! No regrets about marrying young at all! I feel like I gained a lot more than what I missed out on.
Great article!! I agree with you, especially about the #2. I went from living with my parents, to living with a family from church for 9 months, to living with my new husband, and I’ve felt that not living on my own or having time to form my own habits and routines without needing to consider someone else has actually been a positive! I’m not saying that everyone needs to marry young, but like you, even if I could change it, I wouldn’t!