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Our marriages are under attack in this nation and homeschool moms are not immune to it. In fact, if we let it, we can become that frumpy homeschool mom and not even realize it.
A few months ago I got an email from a sweet homeschool momma, asking me if I’d be willing to do a podcast for her. The topic? Marriage and the homeschool mom, her exact request was:
I’d like to discuss the topic of “Bringing Sexy Back: Keys to an Amazing Marriage.” You’ve written a ton about Christian marriages and yours is just the message that I want to spread!
When I got the email I laughed. Because, guys listen, I am the LAST thing someone would consider sexy. I told my husband and he laughed as well. I briefly considered ignoring the email altogether.
But, I decided to give it a shot. I mean what could I lose? As I talked to that mom in the podcast (this is actually going to be part of a homeschool summit, I’ll link back to it when it goes live) I realized I DID have a lot to share about marriage and homeschooling. Our marriages are under attack in this nation and homeschool moms are not immune to it. In fact, if we let it, we can become that frumpy homeschool mom and not even realize it.
Are you a Frumpy Homeschool Mom?
If I’m honest? Yes, I am. Sometimes. And I don’t think that is a bad thing. The problem comes when we become frumpy and stay there. Think about these things for a minute:
- How many times a week do you choose to just stay in your pajamas all day?
- Is your razor collecting dust ?
- When’s the last time you purchased something for YOU?
- Are date nights a thing of the past?
- Do you remember the woman your husband married?
Because we homeschool we often think that everyone’s needs come above our own. We lay our lives down on the altar of homeschooling and forget that we are human beings. We need nourished. We need to take care of ourselves. And when we don’t….. we tend to neglect our husbands.
Becoming a Sexy Homeschool Mom
Now, don’t worry I’m not going to get all sexual healing on you. If you want to talk about that three letter word head over here to my friend Alicia’s blog. But, I am going to talk about YOU and feeling good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself you will begin to feel a little sexier. And that is going to lead to a much happier husband AND that three letter word I’m not talking about.
Becoming a sexy homeschool mom requires a little bit from you:
Take Care of Yourself
This is going to look different for everyone. For me, lately, it has been more sleep. I have lived for years on 6 hours of sleep a night. But, lately, I am realizing I need 7. That extra hour takes work, but when I get it, I feel MUCH better. For some, this means an hour away a week. For others it may mean working out, getting a manicure, or taking a bubble bath. Find something that makes you feel better about YOU. That makes you feel healthier, spiritually, physically and mentally. To take care of others you have to remember to fill your own tank.
Ditch the Jammies
I wrote a post a few years ago about how I make the effort to get dressed every day. I also freshen up before my hubby comes home each evening. That post is actually what got this whole discussion about being a sexy homeschool mom going. The truth is I didn’t realize that ditching the jammies made me all 1950’s housewife.
Think about it, if you went to a public school and saw a teacher teaching in her pajamas what would you think? Be honest. Now, why do you think your children deserve a frumpy momma? I’m not saying we shouldn’t be comfortable. But, we also need to set an example. That starts with getting up, and making ourselves presentable. For me, some days that is comfy pants and a clean t-shirt. Some days it’s jeggings and a sweatshirt. Others it’s leggings and a long top. But, it’s always clean. Respect your profession as a homeschool mom. It will make you feel SO much better about yourself. Especially if an unexpected visitor shows up at your doorstep 😉
Remember the Girl You Used to Be
When my husband met me I was a firecracker. Seriously. I was full of energy. I laughed. I danced. I enjoyed life. We were spontaneous, and a little irresponsible. Fast forward a few years and we had two kids. Our nights consisted of dirty dishes, bottles, and spit up. We were rarely spontaneous and if I laughed it was to keep from crying. Once we added homeschooling in, my world became consumed with curriculum, academic standards, reading, and everything in between.
I was no longer the girl he married. Now, this happens in life, we grow up, and we change. But, I also know that when we become a homeschool mom our world changes. Our marriage changes. And if we let it “homeschool mom” becomes our identity. Guys, that’s not how it is supposed to be.
I had dreams before I began homeschooling. Interests. I made time for my husband. I took an interest in HIS life. HIS job. HIS passions. When homeschooling came into the picture I really had little time for anything else. I lost sight of my husband and myself. Chances are, I’m not the first homeschool mom who forgot the girl she used to be…
Moms, I encourage you to think back to when you were dating your husband. Remember your early years of marriage. What did you do? Take the time and relive some of those moments. Ask him about his day. Talk to him about his dreams. Make plans for a date night at one of your first dating spots (for us it was Rally’s. I know romantic 😉 ) Surprise him with a mixed CD of some of your favorite songs from the early years. Talk about how your dreams have changed, what plans you have for the future and reminisce about the past.
Be the girl your husband married. She’s still in there. You may have to dig a bit to find her, though 😉 I did!
So, are you a frumpy homeschool mom? It’s okay. I have been too, and some days I still am. But, deep down I know I am SO MUCH MORE. And just because I sometimes take that role on, it doesn’t mean I have to stay there. And you don’t either!
How do you beat the frumpy homeschool mom syndrome?
One of the BEST books I have read on homeschooling and Marriage is from Heidi St. John. She’s the one who reminded me to find that woman my husband married. If you struggle with balancing homeschool and marriage I encourage you to check out this book!
The Busy Mom’s Guide to Romance by Heidi St. John
Do you ever wonder where the girl your husband married went? This book is for every mom who has collapsed into bed at the end of the day, looked into the eyes of her husband and promised “tomorrow” she’d have time for him.
Trouble is, tomorrow finds her more exhausted than the day before.
If you have ever felt caught between the demands of nurturing your children and meeting the needs of your husband, you’re not alone. Read and discover how even a busy homeschool mom can make time to nurture her marriage. It’s not as hard as you think—and more important than you may realize.
- How Homeschooling Will Change Your Marriage
- Balancing Marriage and Motherhood
- 12 Things I Learned in 12 Years of Marriage